April Fools!

Can this month have less showers and more flowers?

We ended this last month with a record setting 12 inches of rain. This morning while reluctantly getting out of bed, I heard the weatherman say that we were heading for more showers by the end of this week. Checking on my phone app, I saw that he wasn’t joking. Five days of 40% or greater chances of showers or storms. Rain used to be my favorite weather for spending a day reading and writing. And I consider myself a pluviophile (a lover of rain, finding joy and peace of mind during rain). But I feel sluggish and unable to motivate myself to write or do any other tasks while its raining outside.

I’m sure that the current state we all find ourselves right now on April 1, 2020 is of no help as well. We are pressed to stay at home and refrain from visiting or having visitors, which is of no difference to me as we really don’t get anyone out this far from the city.

But now I feel pressure to write and my creative soul rebels from that, as any independant creator would. Don’t bully or nag me to create! I know what Boccacio and Shakespeare wrote during plagues! I don’t want to turn this into a job. It’s what I love and I believe my output is of better quality when I didn’t have to time myself and schedule it in.

I have plenty of tasks and chores that need to be accomplished. Yep, not in the mood to do that either. I think it’s driving my husband nuts. My kids have gently suggested that perhaps I’m experiencing depression. I don’t think that’s what it is. I feel guilty for feeling so lazy, so I loathe myself and then I refuse to act upon my feelings. I don’t want to believe that my self hate prompted me to act.

Over thinking can be the culprit. I believe we can all be guilty of that, especially now. I am also guilty of over planning my tasks and days. Starting my morning with an iced caramel macchiato and filling out my planner and journaling are de rigeur. Special notebooks, special pens and adorable stickers to highlight the work that I need to be doing. Then I get to the point that writing it all down exceeds my energy and that was enough work to make me call the day an accomplishment! Those new habits will do me in.

Reading. That was how I used to spend my rainy days when I was younger. Listening to music and reading a book, while eating an apple and laying in bed. I could still do that. Now adulting has happened. Grown person responsibilities and chores. Feeding animals, washing dishes, making dinner etc. Doing what the stay at home person should be doing. But I think I may be failing in that endeavor as well.

The Blue Bonnets have bloomed in this part of Texas and it makes me a little sad to know that the busy highway medians won’t be filled with crazy families. Couples and small tribes hell bent on getting awesome family photos curated amongst the cerulean blossoms; they dont care that traffic is speeding by. The flowers will be lonely with no one to stop and crush them to death in the pursuit of an instagram worthy pictorial.

I want what everyone wants at this point. For the gloom to end soon and for hope to arise. I’m looking for my rainbow now. I think we all need it.